Abuse: There are many different types of abuse and it can be defined as mistreating another human with the intention to be cruel or violent or cause harm. It can be described as the misuse or mishandle of something.
It occurs often and usually done to acquire a nasty but satisfying effect.
Dating abuse:This occurs during an unhealthy relationship between two people, usually teenagers, when one person wants control or power in the relationship. It occurs repeatedly and usually aggressive and commanding behavior allows the recipient to gain dominance.
Profile of the abuser:o Usually has a past of abuse in the familyo May have been abused when they were youngero They may not cope wello Have a high intake of drugs or alcoholo Usually have characteristics of being:? Jealous? Manipulative ? Controlling? Narcissistic? Disconnected?
Hypersensitive Profile of the victim: o Usually blames themselveso Goes into depressiono Low self-esteemo Suicidal thoughtso Socially isolatedo May have anxiety Dating abuse examples:Emotional or psychological abuse Making someone feel like they not important my calling them names or treating them like a child by ordering them around, yelling at someone. Insulting, swearing, ignoring, threating or isolating victim.
Physical abuse Hurting someone in a way that leaves bruises, using a firearm against victim, doesn’t allow victim to eat or sleep. Chocking, pushing, pinching, biting, pulling your hair, locking you out of the house.Sexual abuse Doesn’t allow the victim birth control, forces the victim to have sex with them, forces the victim to engage in pornography and prostitution. Unwanted touching, forces you to engage in sexual behavior that hurts you, refusing you to use safe sex practices.
Controlling behavior Is overprotective over the victim to a point where they don’t trust the victim, isolates victim from family and friends. Overprotective, jealous, creates accusations, criticize or stalks victim.Use of social media encourages dating abuse
1. It’s addictive:
Research shows that people who constantly use social media and their phones to a point where it becomes addictive or excessive, abandon their personal life, show signs of mood modification, and are mentally preoccupied. This shows that people who use social media increasingly can neglect their partners which may cause their partners to leave them which can cause them to become angry and abuse. It can cause them to have mood swings and therefore take it out on their partners when they get enraged.
2. It triggers sadness:
Social media isolates the abuser and an increase use of it can make the abuser feel lonely even though their partner is with them. This can make them abuse their partner as they could feel like their partner isn’t supporting them. Sometimes as people get sadder they tend to take it out on others to feel satisfied or content and this could mean taking it out on their partners.
3. It can lead to jealousy:
Studies have shown that excessive social media users have triggers of jealousy. Abusers can feel jealous when their friends dating lives are more extraordinary than theirs and could become furious that their partners aren’t as exciting and therefore take it out on their partner. Abusers are often overprotective and if their partner is engaging with someone else on social media and they see it could infuriate the abusers which leads to violence.
Use of cellphones increase dating violenceTeenagers are usually able to get excess to the internet or if not they all have phones. This makes them an easy target to dating violence as their abuser can threaten them anywhere at any time. This means that the abuser can control and degrade the victim just by a click of a few buttons over their mobile phones.
Abusers can harass their victims through online texts which may dehumanize the victim and cause them to feel abused. Abusers may also sexually harass their partners online by asking for nude pictures or forcing them to engage in unwanted, awkward sexting. Abusers often message their partners constantly not because they care but because they need to feel like they in control and make the victim intimidated.
Abusers can often hack their partners social media sites to know what they up to, they often post private messages or pictures, they can post cruel things about their partner online, they can track their partners location and they can stalk. By doing this they intimidate their partner and will often abuse if their partner is, according to them, doing something wrong.
Warning signs of dating abuseo Your partner threatens youo Isolates you from your friends and familyo Dehumanizes youo Your partner makes you feel guilty to get their wayo Your partner is aggressive towards youo Your partner forces you to do uncomfortable thingso You are blamed for everything that goes wrongo You are called names by your partner and belittled by themo Your partner calls and messages you excessivelyo Your partner touches you in public without your permissiono Your partner exceeds your physical boundarieso Your partner controls your reproductive choiceso Your partner has explosive tempero You are forced into having sex with your partner
How to escape an abusive relationship?:
1. Talk to someone about your situation
2. Set aside money and slowly move your belongings out
3. Pack an emergency bag
4. Plan your escape route and where you will live
5. Leave when your partner is not at home
6. Don’t take the blame
7. Write everything you experience down
8. Warn and tell your friends and family
9. Block the abuser on any social sites
10. Seek physiological help
11. Move on and regain your value and dignityOrganizations that can help Legal Aid South Africa offers legal assistance. To locate your nearest Justice Centre, call 0861 053 425 or visit www.legal-aid.co.za.Rape Crisis offers free confidential counselling to people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. Call 011 642 4345.SAPS 10111University campus law clinics also offer legal assistance.
Powa provides counselling, both telephonically and in person, temporary shelter for and legal help to women who have experienced violence.Call 011 642 434Tears foundation Founded in 2012, this non-profit organization provides a database of medical, legal and psychological services available in South Africa to help those who have been raped or survived sexual abuse.Call 010 590 5920Part 2: 55 Tyrone avenue Parkview Johannesburg 21935th February 2018
I’ve heard about your experience with your violent boyfriend and I am extremely apologetic that you had to go through such an ordeal. I cannot even bear to imagine the pain you had to go through. The suffering you have experienced is traumatizing and has happened solely because your boyfriend wanted control in the relationship. Your boyfriend was extremely jealous, controlling and hypersensitive which is usually the characteristics of an abuser.
I as your best friend had noticed earlier how distant and melancholic you were, but I had no idea that it would link to your boyfriend. Your boyfriend was always so loving, caring and protective over you but then again that was probably the first stage of dating abuse. Your boyfriend used physical abuse on you when he hit you and physiological abuse on you when he made you feel guilty about leaving him and threatened to kill you.
Johanna, you are currently in the third stage of violence wherein your partner is threating you and exceeding your limits and boundaries. You cannot take any more of this, its traumatizing and upsetting. You need to take measures into place such as blocking him on any social media profiles so that he may have no contact with you.
You should also inform your family as to the situation so that they are aware and if anything is to happen they know where you are. You should also keep a journal and write all these experiences down so that in case for future references you want to charge him you have proof.
You should seek physiological help, so that you have a better understanding of your situation and so you can move on with dignity and value. Most importantly though you should not take the blame for his actions.
Johanna, you are not his punching bag and you should know that no one deserves to treat you in a way that he has treated you. You should know that you are worthful and beautiful and if anyone cannot see that and appreciate it then they shouldn’t be around you. Always remember that you are not a victim you alive and that makes you a survivor and don’t be ashamed of this story others will be inspired.