Descriptive writing is supposed to awaken some of your senses as if you were in that place and time with the writer. “Mick, Mom, and Me” Anderson, M. (2017) has both strong descriptive writing and spots it could improve on. The author talks about the fireworks leaving “burnt sulfur smells” in the air. I could practically smell it. I remembered my own experience with fireworks. When she described sounds they were vivid as well. Examples of this were in the very beginning when she “shrieked loud enough to wake the neighbors” or the “nasal singing” of the Smashing Pumpkins. Being a teenage girl at one point I have shrieked before. I felt her excitement in that wording and I heard the sound. When she described the nasal singing of Billy I heard him just like when I went to see him in concert. They transferred me as if I was there with her. Things I would have built up a little more would have been her touch aspects. She said “soft black tee” when talking about a shirt her and her mom grabbed. I may have used something to compare it to, to create that picture. “when we both grabbed the same black tee shirt, this tee shirt was so soft like fresh cotton towels that had just been pulled from the dryer”. Another part I would have improved on, was sight, like when she said the sun had set I may have put in what type of sunset it was. Was it one of those with the oranges that fade into red and then purple? Did it have soft lights that just fade into that deep blue that look like a blanket is covering the world and tucking it into sleep? Anytime I have felt really “there” when reading something is when an author compared it to something that I could pull up from my own memory. The author did great on many aspects surrounding all 5 senses but could have enhanced a few too. All around great writing.
Your replies to classmates should be at least a paragraph in length and should expand, clarify, defend, and/or refine their thoughts. Consider asking questions to further meaningful conversation. Be honest, clear, and concise, referring to specific words and points from your classmates’ postings
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